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Gay Poets In Mud Home
Show.....Songs.....Character.....Production.....Cast.....Synopsis....Pictures London, 1914, Tommy Atkins dreams of finding wealth, love and great fame on the stage. Only one thing stands in his way – the Great War. Undeterred, our hero enlists in the heroic Poets Regiment and sets off to slay the evil giant, Kaiser Bill. But as he journeys around the globe - from the trenches of Flanders to a German POW camp, from Gallipoli to Arabia and the Bolshevik Revolution – Tommy discovers that the theatre of war is a little different than he imagined, and some things can’t be fixed with a chirpy song and a cheery smile. Gay Poets In Mud is a musical comedy for four actors (1 female, 3 male - one of whom plays the entire piece in drag). The piece is scored for one piano, but small band arrangements are available.
Act I 1.
Going Off To The War..Tommy,
Jack, Mother, Florence......Listen
Now
Act II 1.
Xenophobia..Dr.
Jacklyn, Matron, Tommy, Florence......
Listen Now Character
Breakdown Leads TOMMY
Irrepressible
young man who dreams of becoming a star in the glamorous world of
Panto. OTHER CHARACTERS (In order of appearance) NEWSBOY
Cockney newspaper vendor (Doubled by Florence) Gay Poets In Mud was premiered at the Rosemary Branch Theatre, 2000. Nick
Atkinson Produced & Directed, Dead Men Productions; Designer, Jan Rosser; MD, Paul Chilvers. Entered for the Global Search for New Musicals it was selected for a Sony Showcase at the Cardiff International Festival, Nov. 2002.
Simon
Hepworth Directed & choreographed, Carole Todd; MD, Richard John. Subsequently it was showcased at Greenwich Theatre’s Musical Futures, 2003.
Nick
Sutcliffe Produced & Directed, Dead Men Productions; Designer, Jan Rosser; MD, Paul Chilvers
Gay Poets In Mud was chosen as a finalist for STAGES 2004 in Chicago. Press quotes: “Along
the way, writers Peter Shrubshall and Richard Free send up The Great
Escape, Pinocchio, Rudolph Valentino, the Russian Revolution, Lawrence
of Arabia, Fiddler on the Roof, The Wizard of Oz and Marlene Dietrich…They
are aided by a script that milks every pun and innuendo in sight,
incorporates a memorably ironic celebration of British xenophobia
and brings a new meaning to the phrase ‘behind you’”.
"Hurrah!
Peter Shrubshall and Richard Free, the splendid team behind the
sublimely silly Yee-Haw!!, are back.” Act
I SONG: Going Off To The War (in which Tommy joins the prestigious Poets Regiment and ships off for France). Christmas at the Western Front, Captain Jack, the commanding officer of the Poets, worries that the men are demoralised by the mud, the blood and the constant shelling. Tommy Atkins, though, manages to keep his spirits up; he decides a nickname might be just the tonic for the troops and christens the regiment the ‘Gay Poets’. The other men see Private Atkins’s innocence as an ironic commentary on their plight and this has given them a whole new slant on the war – they were writing patriotic drivel before they met him – they concur that the Gay Poets is just the right sort of name. This infuriates Jack. SONG: Gay Poets In Mud (in which the Poets voice their distaste of war and their love for each other, Jack vows to have his revenge on Tommy and the whole war comes to halt when the German army joins in the singing and dancing). Unfortunately, the friendly kick-around that the opposing armies engage in comes down to penalties, the English lose and the ensuing crowd trouble restarts the whole war. Jack manages to pin the blame on Private Atkins and he is put up before a firing squad. Only a last minute phone call saves his life. SONG: Going Off To The War – Reprise (in which Tommy is sent on a suicidal spying mission to Berlin but gets lost). Eating some contaminated beans, which our starry-eyed hero imagines are magic, Tommy hallucinates about his fairy godmother. She tries telling him she is just an illusion, that she’s not even a woman but a man in a dress, but Tommy is adamant she can just magic him into the German capital. In a Berlin nightclub, Florence seems to have found work as a singer. SONG: Behind Me (in which Florence bemoans her luck with men, Tommy turns up out of the blue and she reveals she is actually his espionage contact). Florence sends our hero to the Black Forest to try and find out about the Kaiser’s secret weapon, Project Golden Goose, but Tommy asks a policeman the way and ends up a prisoner of war. In the Stalag, Tommy is greeted by a couple of Canadians who are always trying to escape. The Camp Commandant, a genial, dress-wearing, gardening enthusiast, wonders what he can do to distract the prisoners. He’s tried to interest them in his favourite hobby by buying them picks and shovels but they just dig and never seem to grow anything. Tommy is fascinated when the German tells him of the giant beanstalk he has grown. SONG: The Great Escape (in which the Camp Commandant sings of his beloved pastime and Tommy climbs the beanstalk, only to fall over the prison wall and find himself a free man). Stumbling through a forest, the young lad comes across the hut of a toy-making genius, Giacometo, who has been commissioned by the Kaiser to build a life-like goose that drops bombs. Also in the hut is Florence disguised as a toy. Tommy gains the trust of the toy-maker who agrees to show him the Golden Goose, which seems perfect - except that it will not fly. SONG: That’s What It Takes To Fly (in which Tommy, Giacometo and Florence all suggest ways of making the goose take to the air, the goose reveals he is a French spy in a goose dress and the goose actually takes to the air with Tommy on his back). German ack-ack guns shoot down the goose. As Tommy falls through the air, he is visited by three visions: one is Florence as the ghost of the present which Tommy cannot accept; the second is his mother as a ghost of the past in which her son cast aside reality and chose to live in a fantasy world; the third is Captain Jack as a ghost of a possible future where the Gay Poets become a laughing stock because of Tommy’s antics. SONG: Is This A Dream? (in which our hero assumes this must be the obligatory end of Act I dream sequence, the others inform him that it is in actuality a reality sequence in order to prepare him for the death which awaits him after such a fall and Tommy plummets earthwards).
Sneaking out of the hospital at night, Florence is startled by Tommy who wants to go with her. She, however, is bound for Russia where bloody revolution could break out at any moment; if the Russians pull out of the war it would be disastrous for the allies; she has to go and see if she can stop it. Unperturbed by the apparent danger, the love-struck young man stows away inside her trunk. Florence, however, has other ideas and sends her luggage to another destination. Finally emerging from the trunk in a Russia much hotter, sandier and more ‘camelly’ than he expected, Tommy is alarmed to find that he has actually ended up in Araby. A local Berber chieftain, Ali, who insists that he’s not wearing a dress but merely local robes, tells him that there is great unrest between the tribes because of a beautiful woman, Fatima. SONG: Oh Yes It Is (Oh No It Isn’t) (in which our hero tries to bring the tribes together, the two chiefs, Ali and Hakim, fight over the woman and Tommy eventually resolves the situation by suggesting that instead of a man having more than one wife, why cannot a woman have two husbands?). Fatima, a silent movie star who was dumped in the desert by a film company that went bankrupt, demands that her suitors find her a home by the sea. They complain that the nearest seaport is part of the Ottoman Empire, but she is adamant. The Arabs join forces and ride to defeat the Turks at Aqaba. Tommy, meanwhile, gets a reward of a magic carpet – well at least that’s what they tell him. In the kitchens of the Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, we find Florence preaching Communism, having been converted by the pitiless oppression of the masses by the autocratic Romanovs who are, as she speaks, having a luxurious ball in the hall above. The glamorous and groovy revolutionary, Yakov, cautions against acting hastily – especially as they have no arms. Florence, though, has secured a shipment of weapons from a contact in the Middle East. Unrolling a Persian carpet, she is shocked to discover Tommy inside. When he finds out that Florence wants to go to the ball he realises he has landed right on his feet. SONG: You Shall Go To The Ball (in which Tommy leads the peasants, including a rather masculine-looking Mother Russia, upstairs to the Great Hall of the Winter Palace, thereby starting the Russian revolution). Florence is once again on the move, having become sickened by the excesses of the proletariat who now seem as bad as the elite they replaced. Tommy wants to go with her back to Europe, but she is tired of him always turning every encounter into some scene from a pantomime. She says that, having taken Russia out of the war, he will not be welcomed back, he will be condemned as a traitor and he’ll almost certainly never make it as an actor. Tommy is heartbroken. Our downcast hero starts his epic journey. SONG: I Cocked It Up (in which Tommy crosses Russia, meeting Jewish immigrants bound for Palestine, and then boards an ocean liner where he meets some Irish immigrants who, discovering that he is a Brit and remembering the Easter Rising, throw him overboard). Tommy is saved from drowning by the Statue of Liberty. Liberty informs Tommy that America is in a terrible state because the President’s daughter won’t laugh or even crack a smile, which is causing havoc with photo opportunities this near to election time - the person who could make her laugh would surely be able to ask for any favour in return. The capable young man hurries off to the large white house on the hill. Back on the Western Front, Captain Jack, the Poets and the entire British Army are nearing defeat. Facing such a fate, Jack cannot think about the mindless slaughter, but can only remember frivolous, idiotic things, like that Tommy Atkins and his silly songs. SONG: Gay Poets In Mud/Going Off To The War – Reprise (in which Tommy brings the USA into the war in the shape of Liberty, Jack welcomes Tommy wholeheartedly and the allies march on Germany). When they reach the palace of Kaiser Bill, however, our gallant victors falter somewhat. Tommy is keen to slay the evil ogre, but Jack and Liberty argue that the Kaiser was only cast as an ogre for propaganda purposes. Really he is a normal sized man – they do not sound too sure, however. The three are frightened by a booming voice and they see a giant approaching them. Liberty and Jack cower but Tommy musters his strength and stands his ground. The giant Kaiser warns him that he’ll tear him limb from limb and drink his blood, but our hero is undaunted. The giant’s speech falters. It seems unable to stop speaking in rhyme, like a ludicrous baddie from a pantomime. Tommy unmasks the person working the giant – it is Florence. Florence reveals that the last Kaiser skipped town when the war started to go against him and she took over in his place. The war had given her life meaning and now it was ending and all it would be remembered for would be a bunch of upper-class poets complaining how muddy it all was. She apologises for all the death and suffering. Jack and Liberty are all for clapping her in irons but Tommy, of course, forgives her. Now they can get married and they can tour the provinces in a hit panto based on his adventures which will warm the hearts of boys and girls and run for ever and ever. Florence shoots Tommy dead. SONG: I Hate Panto (in which Florence pleads her hatred of pantomime in mitigation of murder, Liberty and Jack agree she has a point and Tommy reappears as an angel and professes being dead is fantastic because now he is a star and Heaven is just like a pantomime).
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